i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
