girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
