he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
