Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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