Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
