in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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