I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
