Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
