why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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