Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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