It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i drank out of a bidet.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
