mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
