I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
