Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
