Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm at about main and main street
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
