My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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