Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
