I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
