3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
What a dumb baby whore.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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