we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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