those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
