At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
