I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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