if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
