I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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