for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
