last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Randomize
