The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
