she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
