why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
