After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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