Kareoke will never be a sober sport
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
