Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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