If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I think weed is turning my hair brown
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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