So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
