I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
