think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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