You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
