yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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