I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
