Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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