It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Shame is for Republicans.
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