There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
