Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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