he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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