my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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