I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize