I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The air was thick with penises
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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