I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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