i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Never underestimate the power of titties
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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