I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
my liver is dry heaving
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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