You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
