Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
