oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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