so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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