The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
