I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
a search helicopter?!
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Randomize
