i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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