I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
