there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
