5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
