Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
